Santa CLause gone bad

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Santa Clause Gone Bad

One side of me wonders how a man I thought I loved so much could do this to my beloved daughter. On the other hand, I loved Bill McReynolds and he is more important to me than JonBenet ever was. But it is easy to say that JonBenet was worth more and money is everything. How is it that I am having such mixed feelings at a time such as this? "Get yourself together Patsy", I quietly say out loud to myself. This is a time for me to put on my best act, probably the best act I'll ever put on. How long will this go on? It is already December 6, 16, and I've only gone through two days of this lying, questioning, mass chaotic period and already I'm frankly just sick of it. I mean, am I a bad mother for writing the ransom note?

As I sit here in the exact spot I left the ransom note, I can feel the grit from the unkempt, unswept softening wooden stairs. Reporters are surrounding me questioning me, cameras in my face, strangers everywhere. But I am blocking all of that out and all I can think about is one thing and that is how much I love my lifestyle and in order for me to maintain it, I need John Ramsey in my life. I am also thinking about how my true lover is Bill, but I can't for the life of me decide if covering with the ransom note for him was doing the right thing. It seems like only yesterday Bill was in my home and things were normal.

It is Christmas morning and an ordinary day in the life of the Ramsey family. JonBenet and Burke are running around the Christmas tree and chasing each other around our gorgeously decorated home. It was a beautiful day and although I longed for Bill, John and the kids were enough for the time being. It was like Bill read my mind, because in that moment there was a knock at the door all too familiar to my ears, and Bill knowing our hospitality towards him within seconds was in our living room without any of us having to get the door.

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"Merry Christmas to the most wonderful family in Boulder!" shouted Bill. "How is my little snow angel today?" he asked JonBenet who was too busy twirling around gracefully in her brand new pink dress to hear him.

"We are all excellent," John replied, "just excellent."

Bill asked me to join him in the kitchen for a moment to talk about his Santa costume for the evening so I excused myself from my family and followed him into the bright yellow room. The moment we were completely out of sight he casually and so very smoothly slipped a small wrapped box into my robe pocket. He then took out a small branch of mistletoe from his coat pocket and held it above our heads, and of course the next thing I knew I was tasting the kiss that was perhaps more well-known to me than that of John's.

"Bill really, we must remember that there is a place and time for us, and in the middle of my family kitchen two rooms away from my children and husband isn't one of those places." I said sternly but flirtatiously.

"Darling you know I can't help myself, but if we must change the subject then tell me if this Santa hat is suitable for tonight." He pulled a hat out of the other side of his coat, which at this moment seemed to be filled with many surprises. But Bill is always full of surprises, and he is much unpredictable as well.

"It's perfect." I answered as we made our way back to the living room where I had left my children and husband for ten minutes that had seemed like two.

"Well, I am going to head home but I'll see all of you tonight at the party where I will no longer be the man you all are currently looking at, but in fact Santa himself!" Bill laughed and said his goodbyes for the remainder of the day.

Before we knew it, it was time to go to the party. It was at one of our close friends homes, and it was only a few blocks away. The party was quite larger than I had expected, but just as I had expected Bill was sitting in a big red chair by the fireplace with a small boy on his lap and many others in line to talk to Santa, the highlight of the party. JonBenet had been very quiet all night until she decided that she had to go talk to Bill.

"Mom!" She said loudly, tugging at my skirt.

"What is it JonBenet?" I asked in reply.

"Where is Bill?" She asked me very curiously. "I told him earlier when he came to our house that I was going to talk to him tonight at this party, Mommy."

"Bill is over there in that chair sweetheart." I explained to her that Bill was going to be pretending to be Santa for the night because the real Santa was too busy after his long night before.

I walked her over to the chair where the line had begun to die down, and many families were beginning to leave the party. Bill pulled JonBenet closer to him and whispered something in her ear.

"Promise you won't tell anyone okay Princess?" Bill looked at JonBenet with those eyes that spoke for themselves. I was very curious to know what he had told her and I was sure that JonBenet would tell me in the car on the way home. But JonBenet kept her promises especially to people like Bill who she admired dearly. It was around 15 when we left the party and within seconds poor JonBenet was asleep in the backseat of the car. As I was looking at her beautiful little face, I notice Burke sitting in the very back of the car, pouting. I had almost forgotten he was even at the party, but I didn't say anything to him because I knew he would just whine and I had an awful headache.

John carried JonBenet to her bed and tucked her in, and then he came straight to bed. We planned to get up early to prepare for a trip to our home away from home on Lake Michigan the next day so going to bed early was a good idea.

"Ahhhhhh, John come fast!!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. It was 500 am and at the foot of the staircase I had just found a two-and-a-half page ransom note. It said JonBenet had been kidnapped and was being held for a ransom of $118,000. The letter said that if the money was not exchanged for her later that day the child would be beheaded. I ran as fast as I could up to JonBenet‘s room to find that she was not there. Within two minutes we phoned the police and they arrived seven minutes later.

John and Fleet White, a friend of ours went searching for our daughter, and found her in the first place they looked, the basement. She was wrapped in a white blanket, tape was over her mouth, and she was bound with a nylon cord. Then evidence suggested that she was sexually assaulted, strangled and hit over the head.

Suddenly I snap back to reality and brake down. I can taste the salt of my fears, tears streaming down my face. I am terrified knowing that this is how I will forever remember my daughter. I also realize now that in a way I helped with her murder because of my crazy love for the man who I had an affair with and who I thought that I loved more than my own husband. Although JonBenet was good for the money I loved her more than life itself for she was my daughter. I had to write the ransom note!! If I hadn't, Bill would be killed for sure. Keeping this all inside of me will be hard but I have learned that it is true that one cannot trust anyone. Why Bill did this horrible thing I will never know, he is crazed and if I could go back I would have never started things with him. No one can ever find out about our affair, I am sure that I can keep my mouth shut but…Bill? ‘Here we go' I think to myself, and there goes my perfect life.

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