Taking off the mask

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It's already 6am, and I'm awake. Me, Audrey Stevens, is awake. My God! I can't even hold my eyes open. Are people really already awake and sipping their coffee on the way to work? Not a lot of interesting things happen here in the little small town of Danville, KY. I guess that's why I'm leaving town. I had to be at the church at 700 am but I wanted to sleep as long as possible. I went to get into the shower but I couldn't. My mom, Cyndi, was down on her knees again getting rid of what was left of her supper from last night. You see she has cancer. Real Bad! She's doing her treatments and it makes her really sick that if she even smells food she literally vomits. Well, I let mom do her thing and hurry get my things together. I finally got in the shower at twenty till. I blow-dried my hair and put on my favorite pants. Oh, they were great pants. They were light denim with this tan lace braided down the sides. I then grabbed my yellow tank top with only seconds to spare, and headed out the door.I arrived at church and went to claim my seat on the church bus. Fortunately, I got the very last seat. That's the most perfect seat in history. A seat made for a goddess! It's in the back so you can sleep. I mean look; we had an eleven-hour drive ahead of us. I went and threw my backpack on the seat and went outside the bus to talk with my youth group, pray, and take the first group picture of the trip. I didn't realize how many people were going. There were 10 youth and 5 adults. We got in a big circle held hands and prayed. Prayed for safety on our trip, unity, patients, and for God to do something incredible in our life and bless us like never before. Little did I know that God would answer that prayer in the most awesome way ever.

After we opened our eyes we all stood in front of the bus. In the back row was Terry and Rhoda Harper, Tom Friedman, Sue Gordon, Gina Turpin, and Kevin Hampton. The second row was Cory Friedman, Sara Roach, Isaac and Christian Lambert, and Haley Gordon. The Third row was Whiny Gordon, Greg Friedman, and Kaleen Evans. And of course laying on the ground was me. After we finished and said out goodbyes to our parents we loaded the bus.

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We were on our way to Myrtle Beach for the best youth rally ever, but I don't think any of us knew that! Because the trip was going to be so long we knew we would have to stop half way and get a hotel or the girls was going to have stop every hour to go to the bathroom. We got a hotel and room assignments, did a quick 5-minute bible study, and went to bed. That night I had to share my bed with Gina, a 6'4'', single mother of two, 45 year-old woman. She stands so strong on her believes. I believe that's why her husband left her. That and she kicks in the bed. She kicked me so much. I finally lost my patients, grabbed my pillow and went to sleep on the couch! It was hard to sleep that night. For some reason I felt so empty. Don't get me wrong, I was having fun, but on the inside I thirsted for something so.. so .. I don't know. I finally feel asleep at 0am. I awoke by the sound of the hotel room door. I looked up and all my roommates' things were packed and ready to go. I only had 40 minutes to get ready, pack, and eat breakfast. I went as fast as I could. I was afraid that I'd lose my perfect seat. I couldn't have asked for a better one. I didn't even waste time getting dressed I just packed my backpack and headed to the bus.

The bus hadn't even been unlocked so my seat was safe. I got Tom to open it up and marked my seat once more. I'm the oldest in my youth group so you'd think I wouldn't have to worry about losing my seat, but those little short nibble ones are quick! I hold a pretty high position, and it's kind of cool but doesn't seem right. I just don't feel worthy of my position. I just wanted to cry. I felt as if I were leading them on. After I pushed my emotions aside, like I always do, I went to get me some breakfast. I got a banana and got a cup of coffee.

After eating I went to the bus to change cloths. We had to wear our stupid, ugly, orange shirts. They had our church logo in big black letters. The Gethsemane Youth Group!!! How embarrassing. We all assembled out side for again another group picture! We got the maid working on getting our rooms clean and she took the pictures. I put on my fake smile and pretended to be happy, but inside my soul yearned for something more in life.

I got on the bus and popped in my Mozart CD. I always listened to it when I was depressed. It wasn't but seconds until I was out like a log! It wasn't a really hard sleep but in there right mind would think they would get sleep in a bus load of teenagers that just junked on coffee and now eating Doritos. I don't remember it but I was told that we stopped three times and even woke up and asked if we were there.

We finally arrived in the town. Every one started and I heard it over my music. I woke up and started to look out the windows. I took five or six and pictures and watched to see others reactions to the sites. I thought that Haley and Whitney were going to jump out of their sinks when they saw how big the mall was. I would have been more excited but I was too tired to even try! As we drove down the street and headed to the hotel this feeling of peacefulness just swept over me. I don't know if it was a chill or what but I knew something great was coming. I looked out the front window of the bus and all I could see was the ocean right in front of me like a wall.

We got into our hotel and found out at the check in desk that we were on the 1th floor!!! 1th!!! There were altogether 15 floors. And of course all the other youth groups were getting into their rooms and the two elevators were jammed up. Some of the boys decided to take the stairs. I never on that whole trip took the stairs! HOW STUPID!!! After the elevators seemed to slow down our youth group formed a line form the bus to the elevators and passed things to a couple of us responsible for getting the things in the right room. We got three rooms and as you probably figured there were two girls room and one guy room.

We finally finished and I decided to again sleep. Big shock there! Anyway, I was asleep and the alarm rang. I had to get ready to go to our first meeting. We walked over as a group and decided to sit front row center. The first thing that happened was that the main man came out and introduced himself and then introduced the youth groups and where they came from. That took about 0mins. We then had an awesome worship service with the greatest band of all history, Fuzebox!! After we did that we had a really cool youth speaker named Jeffery Dean. This guy could talk like no other. He knew how to talk to youth in a positive way for God! It was like he was talking directly to you. Like you were the most important person to him right that second. He was like a youth preacher. I felt so close to God and for a little second in time I had a peace I can't even explain in words. I prayed that this time it was for real. Jeffery offered for anyone who felt something amazing happen to them to come forward and tell everyone what happened to me. I couldn't do it. That would mean that my youth group would think that I had a problem. Also Kevin, our brand new youth director, would get a bad impression of me. I decided that I would just keep it to myself.

We left for supper and I felt mad because I didn't go up there. I mean when I though about it, it just didn't matter what other people thought. I decided that I would do something before the end of the week. Or would I? We went to Fridays to eat and I had the best cheeseburger ever! After I finished it we had to go back for the evening service and then me and a couple of friends were going to go walk on the beach for a little while. We had a concert that night, by Phat Chance. It was a five-boy band and boy, were they cute. They were so good. Cory, and Tom Friedman chickened out and sat in the back of the room with earplugs no less. They hated they fact that it was loud rock music. Bunch of sissies I think. I was practically on top of the boys. I took Sue's camera and took a couple of pictures! After about 0 minutes worth of singing the main singer of the group decided to tell us a bit of a devotional. He told of a really cool popular boy that had it all. He had muscle everywhere even his earlobes, women, and even good grades. He never cared what God wanted he just did what he wanted to! He slept around with every women he meet. Finally he meet the one. The one he wanted to be with. They got married and had a couple of babies. He still stayed his old ways. He drank, did drugs and even slept around. His wife had just found out about God and wanted him to meet him to. He was so mad. He felt for a couple of weeks with a woman. Then one day he walked into the house and found his wife reading the bible and asked to know if she wanted a divorce. She said no. He asked what this God had done to her to make her love him and except him. That night that man found God. He lived a wonderful life with his family. Next thing you know, the doctor calls the family and informs them that the father has HIV. His heart broke when he told his wife. He got really sick and ended up hospital. His wife stuck by him the whole time. His two young boys 1 and didn't really what to think. The youngest boy came up to his dad and told him that he promises to follow God and wanted to be just like his daddy! About two days later the father went to be with the Lord! After he told us this story he told us that that man was his father, and he was that little boy. My heart broke. I couldn't believe that this was true. I wanted so badly to reach out to that boy and hold him and tell him that I have a similar story. I wanted to be "cool" and didn't care about the consequences of it. Also I know what's like to see your parents dieing and you can't do a thing. I hated my life, it was empty and had no meaning, and I was missing something. That's what was I was missing. God!!! I had accepted Him years but I decided that he wasn't as important as me wanting to be accepted at school. I had forgot about God. I knew that I needed to recommit my life to God. But no, not here, not now. I can't, to many people. I walked back to my room in silence. I went up to my room and grabbed my sandals. Me, Miranda, Gina, and Sue all went to walk on the beach. Again I was silent and just listened to the waves as they crescendo against the shoreline. It was so peaceful and beautiful but I couldn't help it. God was itching at my soul and I knew it. I was slowly driving me to insanity. At one point Gina asked me if I was okay because I didn't seem all there. She was most certainly right. But again I put on my silly face and said of course not.

Service after service, night after night I felt that same thug on my heart. Finally, the finale night had arrived and I was somewhat excited because I thought that if I left this place I could run from God, but then I realized that Jonah had tried to run too. What happened to him? A fish ate him! Don't think so. I knew that it was not or never. Jeffery did another one of his great heart wrenching stories. One of the last things that Jeffery said and that to this days still sticks in my mind was that I could run and run from God but he loves me so much that he will be with me everywhere I go. And that He'd never run from me and never give up, but I could walk out this building and get hit by a car and die and I'll never have a chance to make up for my mistakes. It seemed that he was talking directly to me. I know God had used him to get to me. We were asked to close our eyes and pray that God do something incredible in our life. Right there I decided to surrender to God. I did it finally. I was so relieved. I just broke down and started to cry. I told God that I'd live for Him as long as He didn't make me let the group know that I had made that decision, because I was embarrassed that I wasn't this Godly, spiritual person my youth group thought I was. Then the next thing I know Jeffery said that if anyone made a decision for God to stand up and show the world our newfound light. I said no God I will not I'm sorry. Then Jeffery said if we made a true commitment to Him that we will take our first step for Him. He was right. How was I truly all for God not stand up for him right now?!?!?!?! I stood up so hard I almost feel over with excitement. Now everyone's heads were down but I knew my youth group heard me stand up and when I looked down the row I see them all looking at me and at the very end of the row my brand new youth leader Kevin Hampton was looking dead in my eyes and was crying with the biggest grin on his face. He was proud of me not ashamed of me. Well I left there with a skip in my step. My hole had been filled with Jesus Christ Himself. I was so proud of myself that when we went to the gift shop I bought a hermit crab and named him Bill after the leader of Fuzebox. I even got the real Bill to sign my Bill's cage. We went back to our room s and backed and headed home with no stop overnight. My life had been an adventure with its ups and downs. Mom got in remission, but unfortunately she got cancer again. She's still with us and she's never going to leave us. She so strong I admire that. Weeks passed my hermit crab died, but you know what my light didn't. I still love God just as much as I did the day I accepted. I'm glad God gave me a peace and I hope that someday you will to. He loves you! Don't be afraid, because in the end it doesn't matter what others think it's what God think!

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