Saturday, October 1, 2011

Communication Games

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Communication Games

What do women want? This question has probably been through millions of curious male minds since the beginning of time. In Deborah Tannen’s book, “You Just Don’t Understand Women and Men in Conversation”, you won’t find what women want, but how to better perceive how they function in everyday conversations. Tannen believes that men and women perceive things differently throughout life and this is what causes many conflicts and misunderstandings.

Tannen believes that the roots of male and female communication are planted at a very young age when you are able to understand people’s actions. Girls mostly believe in close friendships and let their world revolve around the “Best Friend”. They like to play in smaller groups and enjoy games like jump rope. They cherish the closeness of friendships and want to make real connections with their friends. This is also true in later life, not just childhood. Boys on the other hand play in larger groups and constantly seem to be challenging other to be the leader of the group. At a young age boys are already trying to gain control over things and be independent.

Men learn to challenge at a young age which leads into being one up or one down. Most men feel that they need to be one up on everyone else. For instance, Tannen tells a story of a long distance relationship due to separate jobs in different cities. The woman in the relationship takes the sympathy and sometimes agrees with the women who talk with her about the situation. Her husband on the other hand finds all the good in the relationship and even makes his marriage sound superior to other couples!

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Reading a portion of this book was not always easy because being a woman myself I still don’t understand where men are coming from in some ways. Tannen told a story about a man who left is pack on a mountain. He said he would go get the pack, and climbed the mountain taking his wife with him when all the while he knew that the pack was no there. He had seen someone else with the pack earlier yet never said anything to anyone. Its things like this that, that bewilders me to the ways of men. There is always room to lean more but I am still enlightened by reading this segment, a peek in to the confusing world of men. I learned a lot but I think a question that will continue to be pondered by millions of female minds throughout eternity is…what do men want? Citation Tannen, D.(10). Different Words, Different Worlds and Asymmetries Women and Men Talking at Cross-purposes. In You Just Don’t Understand Women and Men in Conversation (pp.-7) New York Ballantine Books.

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